i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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