we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
