I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
