I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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