My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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