i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
