Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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