I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
