Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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