# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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