My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I am one with the molecules
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
