Where did you get a picture of my penis
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
