She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
