Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
