I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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