First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
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