it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
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