I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
