He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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