he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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