Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
