I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
