i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
