Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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