Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
