If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
His hands were made for my vagina.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
