I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
