It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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