he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
