I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
