she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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