i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
