I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
