Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
