We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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