If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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