i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
