do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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