I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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