I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
