it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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