yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
