when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
