Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
