I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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