you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
