i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
