I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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