I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
