I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You can't motorboat a personality
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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