elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
