bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
