My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
