So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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