we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We need to rekindle our bromance
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
