Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize