i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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