yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
