I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
