Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
