what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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