i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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